Well hello little bloggy.

Tiffany will be excited that I am updating!

I have been moving and shaking lately!!

I've lost 34lbs since Labor Day, 24 of it since Christmas. I am too freakin' excited to keep going and keep losing and feeling better and looking better. I feel like I can do it this time and really get where I am going. It excites me to no end.

I forced my family to start eating a ton more produce and they've come along pretty well. They do try and I think it helps that I am not on any "diet" and can (and will) still eat some regular stuff. I did have to draw the line at Shay buying a family sized box of FudgeeOs the other day. A chocolate bar in the house is fine but a box of cookies is sabotage!

I have been enjoying my time off from work - though I am not sure how I ever had time to work! I started a forum to go with my A Fat Girl & A Fat Horse Blog, and have been updating at least once a week (lately more like three times per week) through vlog on my Youtube account by the same name (afatgirlafathorse).

I started milking a goat yesterday that lost her kids a couple of days ago. I have plans for goat cheese and yogurt and possibly some soap. I am pretty psyched about that!

We bought three calves this fall - two are for the freezer (and are way too cute!), and one is a heifer to keep as a family cow for me to milk :-D and raise a calf out of every year. Right now she has ringworm (or some kind of fungus that is making the hair around her eyes fall out...) so I have been putting a green Copper solution on it to clear up the fungus and it looks like I am putting green eyeshadow on her. :)

And that's pretty much it, and random. And yes, still single, but a lot more happy about it. Except I want to go on a date... just a date, it doesn't have to be romantic! LOL

I am the queen of scary experiences!

So yesterday I was the victim of road rage, and it could have potentially gone over really badly.

Let me preface this whole thing by saying that sometimes, I am really stupid. Since my parents raised me "right", sometimes my instinct to be polite and respectful to adults overrides my instinct for self-preservation - so I will let myself get into situations where I may potentially get yelled at or hurt because it would be rude to ignore someone, etc. Very seldom do I engage in confrontation, and then it is usually only after I have been abused for quite some time.

I dropped mom off at the corner of the HSBC building in Fredericton and edged up to King Street. It was a red light, but I saw nothing coming and made a legal right on red. Out of nowhere, somebody starts laying on their horn and does for pretty much the length of the block. I got to the next light, feeling properly chastised, even though I was quite sure I had done nothing wrong, and it was red. I sat there for a minute when I heard someone try my door handle. I have never been so thankful in my life for doors that auto-lock when you drive. I look to my left and a man in his 40's or so, in a pea coat has tried to open my door. He signaled for me to roll down my window. This is the part where I should have ignored him and then driven away but I didn't because of that war of instincts, right?

So I edged my window down a teeny bit and he says, angrily "Do you realize you just burned at a red light?" (I still don't know what that means?) - I said "Um... I made a legal right turn at a red light."... he said "No, you BURNED." and since I had no idea what he was talking about and had nothing else to say to him, I just rolled up my window and drove away since the light had changed. I sincerely hope that someone blasted him with their horn because he was holding up traffic at the green light.

Shay says I should have dialed 911 into my phone and held it up to the window with my finger on talk and seen if he would go away. I should have taken his license plate number. I am justified.

Why?

Because my mom witnessed the pulling out and she said that she didn't think he even had to touch his brakes, nevermind slam them on to avoid hitting me. He just got mad that I pulled out in front of him, I guess. My theory is that he was trying to rush a yellow light instead of stopping like he should have and got pissed because I might have held him up a little bit.

I was so scared and ANGRY, I was shaking until I got Shay to the dentist and had some time to calm down and breathe. I don't know if I was more angry at him or at myself for even rolling down the window. What if he had had a gun? Or a knife? Or pepper spray? To hell with being polite. I know I won't be doing that again! I like to think that if the door hadn't been locked, I would have pushed it out quickly and hit him with it and then driven away, but I can't guarantee that would have been my response, because I always think of the best things to do after the situation has already passed. Eek!

I know it's not always a party...

I rode again today but discovered that Bronwyn and I were both too tired and sore to really put much effort into it so we worked on bending and moving off the leg. I really think she is making progress, and the consistency in the work really helped. My goal is to take her to a weekend of clinics in May (Can Am) and one show next summer. I would also like to take her to the Equine Review, of course, but I won't hold my breath too long and hard on that one!

I am really sore through my shoulders and arms more than anything. The last two days, it has been painful to close my legs and hold them closed (just because of the muscles, of course), but that seems to have diminished some and now it's just arms and shoulders. Hopefully I can sleep some of it off since I have to work tomorrow and I am sure my boss will be delighted by me being unable to lift soup bowls, or... well, anything!

I've decided B and I will take tomorrow off and then work on Saturday and Sunday as well, because mom will be around and will be able to give us a bit of a lesson and help us out some. I really like having that opportunity and I shouldn't take it for granted!

I am, unfortunately, already starting to peruse the job sites to see what is available and such. I do need to get work in January/February, I think... as much as I hate to. BUT I am going to insist on a Monday-Friday job. And days only. I don't care if that means I make minimum wage (I make minimum wage now!), because mom works a Mon-Fri job and we would be able to travel together if I found something like that and it would make it less of a deal for me to have to take minimum wage. Secretarial or something would be really nice. :)

You make me weightless...

So I would have to say of late this blog is more "of riding" than anything, but that's okay. :) I enjoy my horses and even if I have no one who reads regularly and of them, no one who really likes horses, at least I will have the ability to look back and say "aww, look how far we have come!".

I rode Bronwyn yesterday and it was nice because I had a camera assistant with me. :-D VERY rare to be able to get someone out with a camera in hand to photograph/video me but we did a nice trade off in which she video'd and photographed for me and I did the same for her with her dog later (it's Shay by the way).

B finally seems to be "getting" the yield on the right rein which makes me really excited. Mom watched the video last night and there were a couple of parts where she was like "That's NICE!" which means a lot because even if mom doesn't like or want to ride horses anymore, she once was great and so I really am desperate for her praise and approval. It's nice to get it once in a while.



We later worked on some of Bronwyn's tricks, which I am just dusting off again. We worked on the bow for a second day and since I had Shay, she stood ahead of Bronwyn and clicked and treated when we got and held the desired position with her knee on the ground. She did this because she has great timing with the clicker and also because I am not coordinated enough to guide her leg down, click at the right time and then treat in a timely manner. I am working on it, though! I am not sure whether I should even try the bow today without Shay around to give me a hand because it may just set her back, but here's a cute video. :)

Just breathe...

Yesterday, I rode Bronwyn and didn't even pretend to myself that I was going to do anything else with any other horses because I just didn't have the energy. I am sore and weak through my body because of riding but I am hoping that will wear off by the weekend.

B was very good this time around. I set the video camera up so that we could use it to see what was going on on the right rein. She appears to be bending, just not moving off my leg. Might try some stuff from the ground today. She was, again, trying to trot off when I put my leg on her to ask her to move over in that direction. More work, yippee!

I'll share the video as soon as it uploads on Youtube!
ETA: Video is uploaded, here it is for those who are interested in watching a fat lady ride her horse for 9 minutes!



After riding, we worked on her bow. I got her all the way to the ground with her knee on it. Now I need to not get so excited when she does it that I let her get up because I definitely ruined it by getting so excited and clicking and treating and loving her. I am going to have to treat her while she is still in that downward position. We also worked on her spanish walk, which is where she walks with large, exaggerated steps in the front. I am teaching her to do this by encouraging her to touch my trick stick with the fronts of her knees, however, she is not so into walking and doing that at the same time, so... we'll work on it. It's more of a "spanish stand" right now.

I also want to work on some liberty stuff. That can be our big excuse for taking her all around - her big "act" where she basically runs around like a tard, and then comes back to me and is connected to me. I just have to figure out how to get her connected to me and paying attention to my body first.

Monday of my week of work!

I had a rather ambitious plan this morning (well, Monday morning rather, since it's pushing 1am now) to ride 2 horses (Jessie and Bronwyn) and work two horses on the line (Ari and Freckles). Rex is a little sore right now and I am not sure what is going on in his little (haha just compared to B and Freckles!) feeties, so I'll give him some time to tough up.

In addition to working four horses, I was going to scrub buckets and clean/re-organize my tack area because it's getting a wee bit wild and wooly. I also had to water horses and clean stalls among other things.

This is exactly what I got done before everyone started coming home:

I rode Bronwyn for 45 minutes.
I watered everything.
I put Ari on the line and spun her around a couple of times before I decided it looked like she was off and put her away.

Then I collapsed.

Working Bronwyn for so long took a TON of energy out of me. I defy ANYONE to tell me that riding that horse is not a workout. Maybe not a "traditional" workout, but I sure had that same sloshy belly, sloppy legs feeling when I got off of her as I do when I get off the treadmill or bike. I can feel it in my core and in my back muscles and it feels pretty darn good. I just wish there was a way to balance out the strength in my body - my right side is significantly weaker than my left side and it has reflected on Bronwyn to the point where we're having some real difficulty with the right side of HER body and her wanting to bend her body in a nice arc around a circle instead of just bending her neck, throwing her shoulder and trotting straight. We'll work on it, though, I think.

I am also really, really interested in working Bronwyn on some liberty stuff. Maybe not this year but next (2011), I'd like to be able to do a few demos on her tricks and show off my pretty horse. Really, all I want to do is show her off. I am trying to think of reasons why she should be going to the Equine Review in May because I really want to take her, just to show her off. I also want her to get some area experience because I plan to take her in the Wind Rider challenge at Can Am in late May as well. We shall see where all of this goes.

All I know is that my seat is feeling different, my legs are feeling stronger, and the saddle feels bigger under my arse. I have maintained 10lbs of weight loss since Labor Day, but I don't think I have lost anymore really... but my metabolism sure feels different, but swings. Some days I could go all day like a workhorse and other days I am hard pressed to get ANYTHING done without literally crawling back to my bed. I'm not sure what's going on but I think it has to do with the birth control I am on right now. Oh well, another couple of months will tell for sure, I guess!

I am off work til Friday so I am planning to try and ride everyday until then, take Friday off then ride Saturday when I can get a "lesson" from mom. She seemed to have no advice on Bronwyn's stiffness but I might try tying her head tomorrow just to see if I can get that nice soft bend from the ground, and also might pick up my trick stick to remind her to move her ribcage as well as her head.

Just say goodnight and go...

The more I think about it, the more happy I am with my decision to give up on Roux. He is not now, and at 35, probably never will become the man I want and need him to be. I have learned much, including how to well and truly love myself, extra pounds and all, through him, so I can't be angry or bitter, I can just be slightly melancholy and smile a little sadly.

I think what bothers me the most is that, though he does have plans, and sometimes even ambition to get them rolling, he doesn't seem satisfied with allowing what he has in the now to flourish while he works toward what he wants. Like, all I can think about now is starting my summer riding camp, but in the meantime, I am still working, working toward it and where I am at right now is not my "ideal", or where I want to be exactly right now, but I am happy with what I have and I feel like he isn't. I have my own problems to deal with and I don't need his. I really want to remain friends with him because he's interesting and I think he has a lot to offer but in the meantime, I am just done.

My Facebook status the other day was:

I sure feel like I am kissing a lot of frogs lately - romantically and otherwise. Oh well! Every mistake is a lesson learned and one step closer to getting it RIGHT. <3 I love myself enough to let myself have the opportunity to get what I deserve, and not what I am settling for!

And that's just how I feel right now. I am happy with LIFE in general right now. The last couple of years have been more or less this way - what a change to the crippling depression I dealt with in high school... I feel so much better!