So now I am a "real" auntie, and my brother and his wife have had their little boy. They said that they had chosen NOT to know the gender and the nurse told them it was awfully refreshing to find someone who didn't know. I spent the whole ride home trying to think of "unisex" colours in case I decide not to know the gender of my first baby (after the first one, it will just be boring so I will find out)...
And so baby fever is worse than ever before.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Cause I'm your baby...
I have discovered that visiting Tiffany, Jamie and Deacon and the happy little family they have has almost the same affect on me as riding Bronwyn.
Interesting observation!
Interesting observation!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I'm SO grumpy...
I have this problem where I get so mad and upset all I can do is cry and I have trouble breathing. Very serious issue.
After a stupid long day in which a couple showed up at 4:30 and DEMANDED food - even though our kitchen was closed - and I had to stay while they dawdled over their food for OVER AN HOUR, and I found out someone I know is getting an abortion, which is pretty much the most painful thing someone can do when I want to have a baby so bad right now (even though I'm not even *there* in life), and being a week, to the day, from the two year anniversary of Angel's death, and also possibly PMSing, I came home and all I wanted to do was ride Bronwyn and relax.
(That was a long sentence.)
I was also supposed to go to Tiffany's and have supper with them but I was so tired and stressed out and such... and also trying to plan a going away party for Salls, who will be going to Toronto for two years... which is the longest we've been apart in 16 years of friendship... it's a good thing that I didn't go to Tiffany's because I would have just cried all over her baby.
Anyways, I wanted to go ride B... but when I pulled her out of her stall, dad got all snarky about the paint mare I have in for training. (A la "fine, send her back. She won't get trained here anyway.") I got pissy and put Bronwyn back and got out the paint mare while he's screaming "NO! RIDE YOUR HORSE! DON'T YOU DARE WORK THIS HORSE!". I was just WAY too tired to deal with that mare's physical bullying and fight with her. I wasn't even going to *work* Bronwyn, I was just going to sit on her like a sack of potatoes and let the rocking motion of her walk ease all the stresses out of me. So I got out the paint mare and worked her and by the time I was done with her, there was not enough light left for me to ride Bronwyn and I came in the house disappointed and cried my guts out because I'm pretty stressed right now. The end.
After a stupid long day in which a couple showed up at 4:30 and DEMANDED food - even though our kitchen was closed - and I had to stay while they dawdled over their food for OVER AN HOUR, and I found out someone I know is getting an abortion, which is pretty much the most painful thing someone can do when I want to have a baby so bad right now (even though I'm not even *there* in life), and being a week, to the day, from the two year anniversary of Angel's death, and also possibly PMSing, I came home and all I wanted to do was ride Bronwyn and relax.
(That was a long sentence.)
I was also supposed to go to Tiffany's and have supper with them but I was so tired and stressed out and such... and also trying to plan a going away party for Salls, who will be going to Toronto for two years... which is the longest we've been apart in 16 years of friendship... it's a good thing that I didn't go to Tiffany's because I would have just cried all over her baby.
Anyways, I wanted to go ride B... but when I pulled her out of her stall, dad got all snarky about the paint mare I have in for training. (A la "fine, send her back. She won't get trained here anyway.") I got pissy and put Bronwyn back and got out the paint mare while he's screaming "NO! RIDE YOUR HORSE! DON'T YOU DARE WORK THIS HORSE!". I was just WAY too tired to deal with that mare's physical bullying and fight with her. I wasn't even going to *work* Bronwyn, I was just going to sit on her like a sack of potatoes and let the rocking motion of her walk ease all the stresses out of me. So I got out the paint mare and worked her and by the time I was done with her, there was not enough light left for me to ride Bronwyn and I came in the house disappointed and cried my guts out because I'm pretty stressed right now. The end.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Grow up, already!
Today, I think I got a sign from God.
This morning, I was chatting with Ja about going back to school... and he kept saying "don't 'maybe', just do it!" and stuff like that. I was supposed to be on a tour this morning but they decided to let me do a couple of public tables to keep up with business...
One of my first tables this morning was my favorite professor from my brief stint at STU. After three years, he still remembered me! He told me to call him if I needed anything because I had talked about going back. He was my intro to Lit prof and he was hilarious and supportive and nurturing.. I just wish his class hadn't been an evening one that I always had to go directly to work til 4:30am from.
So my brain started churning about what I can do... scholarships I might be eligible for... ways I can make this work... because I'm tired of what I'm doing, going around in circles. I am ready for my grown up life to get started and since it doesn't appear that I'm going to make any steps forward in the family scheme of that - marrying or having babies yet... I might as well make a move careerwise. And no one else is going to make that move for me... so I'd better get onto it.
I was trying to think of ways to do it and work as little possible. I know that if I could go to school and not have to bust my butt to keep an apartment or anything, I could have the kind of GPA that maintains scholarships... full ones, even! I have to make this happen.
This morning, I was chatting with Ja about going back to school... and he kept saying "don't 'maybe', just do it!" and stuff like that. I was supposed to be on a tour this morning but they decided to let me do a couple of public tables to keep up with business...
One of my first tables this morning was my favorite professor from my brief stint at STU. After three years, he still remembered me! He told me to call him if I needed anything because I had talked about going back. He was my intro to Lit prof and he was hilarious and supportive and nurturing.. I just wish his class hadn't been an evening one that I always had to go directly to work til 4:30am from.
So my brain started churning about what I can do... scholarships I might be eligible for... ways I can make this work... because I'm tired of what I'm doing, going around in circles. I am ready for my grown up life to get started and since it doesn't appear that I'm going to make any steps forward in the family scheme of that - marrying or having babies yet... I might as well make a move careerwise. And no one else is going to make that move for me... so I'd better get onto it.
I was trying to think of ways to do it and work as little possible. I know that if I could go to school and not have to bust my butt to keep an apartment or anything, I could have the kind of GPA that maintains scholarships... full ones, even! I have to make this happen.
Angel, what are you hiding from me?
I've been really really maternal feeling lately. Maybe it's because I've just finished reading Breaking Dawn, the last book in the Twilight series and it's completely focused around a baby (sorry about the spoiler!). Maybe it's because A at work is pregnant, Tiffany has a gorgeous baby that I am compelled to try and spend as much time as possible with, or because of the really cute little blonde baby I had in my restaurant yesterday. Maybe it's because I ran into a guy from highschool that I used to adore...
Though that running-into was rather disappointing. He spotted me and I had the overwhelming urge to run away. Luckily, he only waved and didn't come to talk to me...
I feel stupid because I used to be such a social person and this particular guy, I enjoyed spending time with so much. He was pretty much my favorite person in the world... we just made each other happy... and now I can't even muster up the courage to TALK to him? What is wrong with me? I used to turn around and chat up random people in line at concerts but lately I feel really antisocial... like I've had some kind of social regression.
Work is going alright. I had a big run in with K when I ran right into him telling the boss "This isn't working. Amanda refuses to bus her tables." - which - I was busy, running my arse off... so it wasn't that I refused, just that I hadn't gotten to them yet. I have noticed that he is mysteriously absent whenever we need help doing little things like putting tables together or wrestling with a 20L bag of milk to put in the dispenser... he can dink around pretty much a whole day but if you're not as fast as him doing ONE thing, he's very critical. Anyways, I am sure he didn't count on me walking in on him complaining about me and he steered pretty clear away from me the next day and hasn't been scheduled to work since. I was SO ANGRY that a fifty year old man would go to the boss immediately when he had a problem instead of speaking to me about something and giving me a chance to fix it. INFURITATED me... if he had spoken to me again that same day, I probably would have gone all Greg Despres on him and lopped his head off.
Other than that, work has been alright. I am getting tired of working though! Why can't we all just be independently wealthy?
My dad will be thrilled that this week, I have some semblance of a plan for being social - a staff party Tuesday, a dinner party with the Fab Five this week sometime, and then hopefully a trip out to see Tiffany, Jamie and Deacon.
Though that running-into was rather disappointing. He spotted me and I had the overwhelming urge to run away. Luckily, he only waved and didn't come to talk to me...
I feel stupid because I used to be such a social person and this particular guy, I enjoyed spending time with so much. He was pretty much my favorite person in the world... we just made each other happy... and now I can't even muster up the courage to TALK to him? What is wrong with me? I used to turn around and chat up random people in line at concerts but lately I feel really antisocial... like I've had some kind of social regression.
Work is going alright. I had a big run in with K when I ran right into him telling the boss "This isn't working. Amanda refuses to bus her tables." - which - I was busy, running my arse off... so it wasn't that I refused, just that I hadn't gotten to them yet. I have noticed that he is mysteriously absent whenever we need help doing little things like putting tables together or wrestling with a 20L bag of milk to put in the dispenser... he can dink around pretty much a whole day but if you're not as fast as him doing ONE thing, he's very critical. Anyways, I am sure he didn't count on me walking in on him complaining about me and he steered pretty clear away from me the next day and hasn't been scheduled to work since. I was SO ANGRY that a fifty year old man would go to the boss immediately when he had a problem instead of speaking to me about something and giving me a chance to fix it. INFURITATED me... if he had spoken to me again that same day, I probably would have gone all Greg Despres on him and lopped his head off.
Other than that, work has been alright. I am getting tired of working though! Why can't we all just be independently wealthy?
My dad will be thrilled that this week, I have some semblance of a plan for being social - a staff party Tuesday, a dinner party with the Fab Five this week sometime, and then hopefully a trip out to see Tiffany, Jamie and Deacon.
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