Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Ahhh busy weeks!

So a few pretty interesting things have happened over the last couple of weeks - or at least since I wrote last. I shall have to put them in point form so I don't forget.

- Llama on the lamb

- Haircut to infinity

- Bareback Bronc-wyn

- Heere cookie cookie cookie

Try to figure THAT out! I will be back with an update after work!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I am an awful person? No!

So yesterday, despite Shay not feeling well, we set out to take her to work. She refused to call herself in sick so I made her go so she would learn a lesson. That's what I told myself, but the real reason was really so I could see G and get a chance to talk to him because I literally had not even had a chance to say hello besides a wave from the window of the Inn for like, two weeks. Not a conducive way to get to the end result you're looking for when romantically interested in someone!

Anyways, Shay obliged, and I think she learned a lesson anyways. I promised her I would stick around for a couple of hours in case she didn't come around and feel better, and so I took my van over to the VRC and got into the site on my staff pass. I stopped by the big new barn to oggle my red carriage for a while.

And then, of course, I headed straight for the Joslin farm when I got in because that's where he was likely to be. Also, the "real reason" I had in my head was that I haven't been to the Joslin in ages and ages - which is good enough reason for me, plus some friends of the family work in the house, including their adorable two children... who are adorable. I poked around a little but didn't see G outside, so I went to leave and he was watering one of the horses on his team. He beckoned me up to the barn to show me something "different", which turned out to be a swollen anus on his horse - they figure he had an allergic reaction to a medication. It was sincerely one of the biggest assholes I've ever seen!

Anyways, I hung around chatting for as long as was appropriate (I think anyways, I know girls who would have stayed around a lot longer than I did!), and then set off... ran through the Jones house and got almost as far as the Inn when I got the call from Shay (an hour after I dropped her off) to pick her up because she wasn't feeling any better. So I turned around to head back.

I will confess that I swung by the Joslin again, in case I would have a chance to say goodbye and put in some of my well rehearsed lines that had been going through my head since the other night when I went to N's hoping to see G and he wasn't even there. He wasn't at the Joslin, either, so I headed out disappointedly...

Then I saw him coming off the service road with his horse - they were waiting for the vet. I stopped and chatted a little bit and got an "I don't see you around N's much anymore..." (I am hoping this was in a kind of "but I wish I did..." way!) when I said "Well I was just there the other night, but you were not!" and then we joked around a little more.

I was pretty proud of myself and Shay admitted that she didn't mind being used and abused if it meant I was successful on my mission. She also gave me permission to marry him. When she sees/meets a man that she thinks would be a suitable date for me, she always says "I give you permission to marry him."... so that's a good sign?

She also insisted that if I were "serious about crushing on G" I needed to get dad involved. I maintain that I am not getting dad or N involved or even TELLING them my intentions unless something happens or some movement is made. There is no reason for me to have to live my life being mercilessly harassed unless I am getting some good out of it too!

Monday, July 13, 2009

And then I knew.

I had an appointment this morning to have Rex gelded, which is pretty exciting, but I had to postpone it til next Monday, which stinks but will be much better in the long run. I am excited to castrate him so he can live a more normal life. I can't imagine why anyone owns stallions anymore - it'll be nice to have options to go away, or put all the horses outside together.

Though I have today off, I will have to take ShayLee in to work so I will be traveling there anyways, and then back to pick her up, so I might as well just be working. Yesterday, I was supposed to be off but worked it for Laura so that she would take a day in August for me so I can go to Prince Edward Island with the Fab 5 for a cottage mini-stay.

I am still, however, very angry at myself for giving up my August 1st day off, because I had intended to go to Halifax to see Our Lady Peace and seemed to completely forget about it when Mallory asked me for the day off. It was also my only weekend in August off. Now I just get pissed about it all every time I hear Our Lady Peace on the radio!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Marks only I can see...

I am sure that my mood over the last couple of days has been due to PMS, which is good - normal periods are good, according to the doctors.

But I am frustrated. I'm frustrated in a lot of ways, of course, but I am REALLY frustrated with the medical stuff that is going on.

In grade 9, the first hair appeared - I remember it like it was yesterday - a person I am no longer friends with saw it and pointed it out (way not to make me self concious!) and asked if my boyfriend at the time liked to "nibble on it" (WTF? Can you see why I am not friends with her anymore?). Stuff lay dormant for a while but in the last couple of years, I have sprouted a very disturbing and alarmingly increasing amount of hair on my chin and on my neck. I am growing a beard. It's very disconcerting and defeminizing for me. It is just ravaging my skin to pluck it, waxing makes me bleed, and I KNOW that there is a reason that it's growing, not that it's just growing, and my doctors don't seem to be taking it very seriously. I had an appointment with a great dermatologist who basically said he was referring me back to my GP... but has not called or made contact with her.

None of them seem to realize that in the meantime, I am suffering. Not physically (well, it does hurt to pluck and it's destroying my skin), but emotionally. Today, I had a horrible brain wave in which I remembered that I have been single for five years and I have a beard. In correlation, it makes me feel terrible. What if the reason I am single is because of my hair growth?

I was feeling pretty down in the kitchen so I decided to buy myself a new notebook from the giftshop and announced it. Our salad line woman who is the sweetest lady in the world, gathered all the particulars without me realizing what she was doing and when I went in to buy it, the gift shop lady said "This is a gift." and handed me back my money! It made me cry a little, which I had already been doing that day. *sniff*

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I drive myself crazy...

When I have to drop people off and then go back and pick them up in town like I have the last couple of days, I tend to drive different routes to try and keep it interesting, so I basically don't go crazy. Against my better judgement, because it's stalker-y, I drove home by the property where my gypsy lives. His truck wasn't home. No big whoop, we're both on days off - my van wouldn't have been home if he had driven by my house.

But then I was thinking about how my friends have urged me to ask him out, and I have ALMOST bolstered the confidence to do it... but then I thought "What if he is seeing someone and that is why his truck's not home?" Holy panic. I have tried imagining the scenario where I casually ask him out for coffee or dinner or something over in my head and it works pretty well. But throw the wrench of another woman into the scene and it is pretty much my worst nightmare.

I go MILES out of my way to avoid rejection of any kind, if I can help it. Except with writing, I head toward it full steam, funny how that is! Anyways... the thought of being turned down and embarrassed like that just makes my heart constrict.

GAH. I am a failure at life.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

You Oughta Know!

Fredericton is so full of construction, it's crazy. I don't know if this is something new or something that happens every summer and I just haven't noticed it until this year.

After I dropped Shay off at work, I had to go to the feed store on Smythe street... so I took the new highway and came down through the Prospect/Hanwell intersection toward Silverwood... construction (there was construction in Keswick also, where I nearly ran over a flagger because he was hiding around a blind turn and also construction on the exit ramp from the Mactaquac detour onto the new highway)... and at least twice on the Woodstock road... then I escaped up Smythe thinking I would turn onto Prospect and go back down the way I had come before (so basically making a stupid circle) to avoid further construction but there were two sections of construction on Prospect. I think it took me at least three times as long to run into town and grab a $15 bag of chicken feed as it would normally. Oh well, at least the chickens will grow now.

I came home and now I am listening to old 'N SYNC and Alanis Morissette and doing laundry that I am going to hang in the sunshiney sun when it is finished. I didn't sleep much so maybe I will pop down for a nap in a few minutes, but until then, it's TEARIN UP MY HEART!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Everything in moderation

I feel ick. Because I have had too much Chinese food and then my "30 minute power nap" that was supposed to re-energize me turned into a 2 hour dead sleep which mostly just made me really thirsty and then sick. I think it's probably very bad for my system to do that. Eat copious amounts of sodium and grease and then sleep. Every time I burp, it tastes like chicken balls. I hope this doesn't turn me off Chinese food.


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I have come to the conclusion that I overthink everything. Well, I mean, I already knew that I did that, because I obsessed over my ex leaving me for like three years. Granted, I know now that's because I had absolutely no closure on it, and it was the grossest eruption of my self doubt to exist EVER (btw, it still lurks under the skin, but it's mostly ignored).

For instance, my gypsy came into my restaurant last week when we were fairly busy and I was hostessing. Instead of saying "Hi, how are you? I miss chatting with you." I playfully said "get out of my way, get out of my way!" and zipped by him. I could have done something so less wasteful with that opportunity but I didn't... and I beat myself up senselessly for the rest of the day! It was embarrassing to even admit it. I think the girls at work are going to beat me up physically if I don't make a move soon!


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I have two days off and I am not sure what to do with myself for those two days.


That is all.