Trying to take ahold of my life again...

I have been discovering and deciding a lot of things about myself in the past week.

One thing is that I have NOTHING financially. I have to fight against my mother tooth and nail to have anything, but I have determined that I WILL start looking after myself. One thing that I have done is open a Money Master account and joined the "Bank The Rest" program with my online banking. The Money Master requires a $5 fee for you to withdraw money (which should be a good enough deterrant), I can deposit money from my regular chequing account into it for free, though. The Bank The Rest program rounds every debit card purchase I make up to the nearest dollar and deposits the "rest" into my MM account. This isn't going to get me terribly far anytime soon, but it should start to accumulate SOMETHING. I am just sick of not having ANYTHING. I've also been putting away about $20 everyday from my tips. That money is going with me to Toronto after Christmas, as spending money. Mom won't be happy that I'm squirreling things away, but it is time that I have something for MYSELF. I want to go back to school, have a career, someday buy a house, and I am 23, so if I don't get started on that stuff now, I never will.

Another thing I discovered is that I don't trust people easily. I have increasingly been having problems with ... well, unrelenting horniness, but I can't imagine myself ever being comfortable enough with someone to be intimate. Something I definitely need to work on.

I had already discovered that I overthink and analyze things to the point of self sabotaging.

Another couple of things I have realized are that none of the women in this house are mentally stable (myself included) and that I want to make a career out of horses. I am not happy with my station in life currently.

I'll take to improving those things promptly!