Except I know what I want and I am trying very hard not to want it because I have been spending every second of my time since G and I started "seeing each other" digging my heels in in an attempt not to be "that girl". I find myself lately wanting to spend COPIOUS amounts of time with him as often as possible (much like last Monday's SEVEN HOUR marathon), but I made a promise to myself that this time, HE would ask me out.
Several times over the last week, I have told myself that I don't care what I promised and there is nothing wrong with expressing my desire to be with him, and that we are adults and adults go for what they want, and it's silly to think that I need to withhold expressing my opinions and desires in order to see if the relationship is one sided or not. Of course it's not one-sided. If it were one-sided, when we got kicked out of the restaurant last Monday, G would not have gotten in my car and sat with me for a while longer. If it were one-sided, G would not stop by the restaurant and he would not have walked me from the parking lot to the restaurant yesterday morning.
Sometimes he says things to me, telling me where he is going or what he is doing as though he wants me to invite myself along. For example, last night he said he was going to temperance vale to check on the horses and work on his truck - which had absolutely nothing to do with what we were talking about. I would gladly sit and watch him tinker in his truck's engine for hours and talk to him because that is what I like best, just being with him, talking to him, but I don't want to invite myself along. I have done a lot of inviting myself along and I am trying to stop. Oh I don't even know what direction I am going in and it's frustrating.
Unfortunately, it looks like the tone of these entries will remain about G since Shay has officially decided I am not allowed to talk about it anymore because it's all I ever talk about. I can't help it that I have been single for five years and all of this is new and very exciting to me.
In other news, Bronwyn and I have started a self improvement plan in which we get our acts together and become hot mamas - literally. I am working her out to get fit and in the show ring and then I am planning to breed her to a friesian stallion. I am working myself out to get fit and in shape financially and emotionally to have a baby... Bronwyn's breeding date has a timeline, mine does not. Either way, I've decided that since I AM a hot blooded female, it'd be a good idea, if I plan to have babies anytime soon, to do what I'm going to do now since it won't be easy after a baby.
Shay took some "Before" pictures of us. I lost 2lbs last week but I do not expect a loss this week as I have been all over the charts.
I have been told, on more than one occasion, that I am "glowing" in these pictures!
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