Chocolat

Dear Roux, (That is what my gypsy will hereby be referred to as... however, he is not as hot as Johnny Depp!)

You know, you kind of suck. I don't want to be too hasty and throw the baby out with the bathwater but I really hate the way you don't communicate anything very clearly. The way you string me along and make me feel so good and then make a comment that just about breaks my heart.

I know, I know, I invested way too much from the beginning. I know you can't change a man and you will probably always have a good case of wanderlust but you are 35 for goodness' sake. Eventually you are going to have to settle down, and I don't mean that it has to be with me, but seriously?

You go to my workplace and tell them how great our birthday date was, and "romantic". You walk me from my car to the restaurant, you give me hugs and we talk about you buying land, and spend SEVEN HOURS TOGETHER TALKING ABOUT NOTHING... and then I get the "IF I am still here this winter..." and the "I'm thinking about going on the road again..." and the "I'm pretty busy... like for the next couple of weeks"...(!!!)

Seriously, man... I want to spend time with you. We don't have to go to dinner. I am happy to watch you work your horses or tinker in the engine of your truck. I don't know what the hell you're doing or you're thinking and I know now I should have tacked you down because if this is just a friendship (and I seriously hope this is not how you behave with ALL of your friends!!) and you never intended for it to be anything more, I could stop fretting. I could stop worrying about getting a midnight visit to say goodbye because you're taking off. I could stop laying in bed awake going "What does this MEAN?! Are you TRYING to break my heart?!".

Stupid, stupid man. You're stupid. I'm excellent, and I'm wonderful. I give and give and give, but you haven't given me a chance to do that yet. You keep me around but hold me at arm's length. It's incredibly infuriating. You're making me absolutely crazy. You made me crazy before we started to get involved and you're making me crazy now. My mother was right (of course!) when she warned me at the beginning of this, as I insisted that you were ready to settle down, that you can't change a man. You'll probably never want to live in a real house and do domestic things. You'll always have a yert or an igloo or the back of some fire truck in your brain.

I don't want to be premature, so I am going to emulate a character from one of my favourite movies. You can call me Vianne from now on... and you, of course, are Roux. And right now is the part where (mentally) you came and said goodbye in the night... and in a little while if I don't fret about it much, you'll come back down the river in your boat, and I will stay put even though the wanderlust tugs at me, too, you know.

Stupid man.

Vianne



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In other wonderful news, I have lost 7lbs on my new Self Improvement Plan. And I am getting sick AGAIN. Wretched sore throat, sinuses filling up again, NO energy whatsoever. It just figures, doesn't it?