Envy...

The night before last, I really hoped my Australian boy would come back to my dreams, but alas, he stayed away and I dreamt about work, instead. Specifically about being laid off at the Inn and going back to the Nackawic call center for a few months, which therefore made that dream a nightmare. I even laid in bed before I fell asleep thinking about the envisionment of said blonde Australian... alas, no.

Peter called Ann at work yesterday to tell her that they had found Joe, one of the correspondants from Orlando, dead in his condo over the weekend. He was only 34, but I suspect he lived an exceptionally extravagant lifestyle and that may have been his undoing. I really enjoyed Joe and especially loved his visits - he was friendly and sweet... and once, Peter told him that donair meat was horsemeat and I was present to see his face melt into the most disgusted expression I have ever seen. He then waltzed over to me, knowing that I have horses, and asked "Is donair meat really made of horse?", and then I told him no, and he was relieved, but it took some convincing for him to settle down.

I hate the mood that I am in as a result of that stupid dream about the Australian. It makes me moody. It's no secret that my maternal instinct has been going really haywire for the last year and all I want to do is get married and make babies and be a wifey who makes boxes of cookies for the neighbors and dinner parties in her home... alas, for three years, I have been completely void of the potential man to make that instinct realize itself.

It just gets worse when I see people that I don't like getting all those things - married, having babies, etc. I have serious family envy. Don't get me wrong - someone like Tiffany, I am over the moon thrilled for - I'm not envious of her at all, but when I see people that I dislike or who treated me wrong in school getting married, having babies, getting on with their lives, I think to myself - I am a much nicer/more honest/better person than them, I deserve that way more than they do!

I am still holding out hope to meet someone at work, maybe? LOL There were a couple of cute young Irish boys in yesterday, but with their grandparents and father, and maybe a little too young, not MAN enough... Then there is a cute boy in the theatre department that I gave gingerbread to - he is cute but I've heard he's a manwhore. I just can't win!